And Everything Is Okay

Well, now that the weekend has passed I feel it safe to post this.  It's been something I have debated even bringing up cause I don't want to be "that person" who dwells on things that can't be changed or helped.  But Saturday, December 3rd was the due date for the pregnancy that I lost.

It was only March/April when all of this was happening, and yet it seems so long ago.  The weeks of Dr appointments which finally brought on the conclusion that the baby was not developing and the D&C that followed will no doubt stand as one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.  A loss after 23 months of trying to get pregnant, well that was beyond rough.  Depression, panic attacks, yuck and etc.  It was months before I was myself again.  Honestly, I think this pregnancy is the only thing that helped me turn the corner and start getting better.

And there it is.  It's out.  Had I not lost that pregnancy I would be a mother right about now and be looking forward to a Christmas at home with my baby.  Instead I'm almost 7 months pregnant with my little boy.  I would be lying if I said I didn't stop and think about the "what if's" several times over the weekend, but it was much easier to handle than I thought it would be.  I'm fine.  And these little kicks inside of me are the reason why.